We're Evergreen

I heard a friend of mine say this before I was married and didn't believe it.  Even though you are married and live together, you still rarely talk to you husband.  Life gets in the way.  Thing come up.  There are little annoyances everywhere.  You look for stolen moments here and there to remember why you married your husband and why you love him.  Bedtime or the middle of the night is when we have our best conversations. 

We went to a Christmas party last week and I took this selfie.  This may be my new favorite picture of us.  I think it captures our silliness.  It captures "us".  We make me smile.  This picture is the moment I reminds me of "us".   (Sorry for lack of picture.  Blogger is not cooperating!)

I'm currently hooked on "Thinking of us" by Ed Sheeren and have listened to about a gazillion times over and over.  It's about loving each other forever, even when we are old.  That's Charlie and me.  We're evergreen. 

A new Sunday...

A few months ago, I mentioned the girl who sits in front of us at church.  Yesterday she came with a boyfriend.  It made me smile.  Again, i don't know her or her story - have they been dating awhile this is the first time she was able to bring him to church?  Did they just start dating?  I don't know.  But I knew that it would be fun to watch her life progress through all the stages and maybe she is in the next one.  :)

The Longest Ride

I finished the Longest Ride by Nicholas Sparks this weekend.  I have to confess that I was supposed to have finished it by Friday for my book club discussion.  I was only about 3/4 of the way finished so I asked them to tell me the ending.  I won't give that away here.  I had read that the book was predictable but I never caught on and since I knew the ending, I am not sure I would have predicted it anyway.

But what our discussion on Friday centered around was Ira and Ruth's marriage and love story.  I have to admit, I enjoyed that part more than Luke and Sophia's.  I liked the story of Luke and Sophia as a novel but I couldn't relate to it much.  

But Ira and Ruth's story stuck with me a lot.  I loved that we saw their whole marriage and their whole life.  Not just the initial love affair that most books end with.  They had good times.  They had bad times.  But they made it through the bad times and things got better - better than they were before.  Isn't that what life is about?  The great love affair is not perfect. But that is what makes it great.  The tough times are what makes it perfect.  It reminded me a lot of the movie Up.  I love that movie.  I love that love story.  The Longest Ride talked about the sacrifices that Ira and Ruth made to be with each other. They gave up a lot.  Sometimes they regretted the sacrifices they made but they never regretted being with each other.  

One thing we discussed was that we all have good times and we all have bad times in our marriage.  Times of transition are typically the hardest.  But we always make it though.  I feel like I am in the middle of a difficult transition and things aren't perfect right now.  Some days they aren't even good.  But I am okay with that because I know and I believe in the greatness of my marriage.  I know that this is just a time of our life and not our entire life.  I love that when things are tough, there are glimmers of good.  There are glimmers of great.  There are glimmers of the love in my family and we are a great family.  These are the moments that make it worth while.  Sometimes I feel like society makes it too easy to quit.  Sometimes society paints the perfect love story and doesn't talk about the other stuff.  The love story is only the beginning.  It's what is built upon it that makes it great.  That's what makes it last.  I think what I loved about the Ira and Ruth story is that we say the entire story, not just the beginning.  Right now, that was exactly what I needed.  That's what I want for my marriage - the whole 70 years. 

Taking Care of Each Other...

I feel like I used to be a fairly competent adult.  I bought my own house when I was 22 years old.  I took care of my car, my house, my lawn, etc.  I was financially independent and was good at it.  Then I got married.  Charlie took over the finances, the yard and the car.  I liked it that way.  I didn't realize how much I depend on him and his flexible job until now.  

Right now he is student teaching and this is the first time in our married life that he has a "job" that he needs to be at every day.  Suddenly, I am the one with the more flexible job.  He has to be at school at 7 am so drop off is now on me.  My "flexible" work hours are 7 - 4 but I shifted them to 7:30 - 4:30 for now.  A few weeks ago, I "crashed" my car.  It was pretty minor and "crashed" isn't the right word for it.  I ran into the snow pile in front of my house.  How horribly embarrassing.  But there is a big hole in my bumper now and I need to get it repaired.  Suddenly it all feel to me.  I got the car to the shop to get the estimate.  I reserved the rental car.  I dropped the car off this morning and got that the rental car.  It felt weird.  It occurred to me that it has been awhile since I have taken care of this type of task.  I felt all grown-up, like an adult.  It went fine and I knew how to do it.  I took care of things.  But it did point out to me how we depend on each other to take care of each other.

Fourteen years ago....

Each week at church we sit roughly in the same spot.  Most everyone does.  We always sit behind a young lady.  She looks like she is in her early 20's.  I don't know her very well and can't remember her name right now.  We know she is an aide at an elementary school.  We exchange pleasantries and greetings and "have a good week" with her every week.  

When I look at her, I see myself 14 years ago.  I have been going to that church for 14 years now.  I was in my young twenties and didn't know anyone.  Eventually I became a little bit more involved in the church but I always sat by myself week after week.  After a few years I started to sit with Charlie.  First as friends.  Then as a dating couple.  Then as a married couple.  Soon we were bringing our baby to church every week.  Then we were a couple again as we enjoyed an hour of quiet with Laci and eventually Calvin in the nursery and Sunday school.

 

As much as I enjoy looking at myself 14 years ago, I am more looking forward to watching this young lady's life unfold, hopefully still at our church.  I look forward to seeing who she starts to eventually bring to church with her and I look forward to watching her family grow someday.  

Speaking of future spouses, I was watching a Bible DVD with the kids yesterday.  There was the story of Isaac and Rebekah.  I told Laci that I pray for her future spouse.  She then said "I also look forward to finding out who your son-in-law will be."  I love that instead of her looking forward to meeting her husband, she said my future son-in-law!

Moms don't get sick... Do they?

Oh yes they do!  Last Sunday morning, I woke up feeling cruddy and sick as can be.  I got myself onto the couch when Calvin came in at 6 am.  By 9 am I was feeling a bit better and figured I could make it to church.  I was wrong.  Halfway through the service I was regretting having come.  But the sermon and the service was wonderful and really hit me so I knew I was supposed to have come.  By the time we got into the car, I was in pretty bad shape.  Very nauseous.  Charlie picked up lunch for him and the kids and we went home.  I immediately went to bed - or the floor.  When I don't feel well, I prefer laying on the floor then on a bed.  I am not sure why.  And that is where I spent the rest of the day - floors, beds, couches.  If I was laying down, I would feel a little bit better but 5 minutes after I would try to sit up or stand and I was ready to pass out again.  It's funny because the kids were running in and out of my room and I found myself watching Disney - whether they were with me or not!  :) But there is nothing else on Sunday afternoons.  

But Charlie was wonderful on Sunday.  I don't know how I would have gotten through the day without his help.  He fed the kids.  Laci fell off her chair at lunch and took a faceplant on the floor, chocolate milk going everywhere.  He cleaned it all up.  He even took the kids Trunk or Treating at church in the afternoon.  I was so sad that I couldn't take them but I was so glad he did.  He helped them with dinner and gave Calvin his bath.  That was quite a challenge because Calvin was having a giant tantrum at that point.  I am so thankful for his help Sunday.  By 8 pm, I was starting to feel a little bit better and was optimistic I could go to work on Monday.

Laci was so sweet too.  She spent a lot of the day laying in bed with me too.  Her face and neck still hurt from her fall.  She still has a bruise on her face.  She would come over and give me a kiss on the cheek and ask me how I felt.  I told her that I didn't feel good but I would be okay.  She said "That is how I felt when I had the lice."  Not exactly the same thing but she tried.  I told her that we made it through that and we will make it though this.  Monday afternoon when I picked her up from school, the first thing she asked was "How are you feeling Mom.  Was work okay today?"  She is growing up into the sweetest, loveliest little lady.  I'm so proud of her and my family for helping me and taking care of it when I needed it!

Sometimes you don't know how good you have it...

My neighbor has just gone back to work.  She has been a stay at home mom for almost 6 years.  She and her husband own a business and they are now both working there together.  I was asking her how that was going.  Being a working mom is all I know but I imagine there is a bit of transition in going back to work.  She is working three 12 hour shifts a week and her husband is staying home with the kids while she works and vice versa.  I think that doing that and having 4 full days home with the kids would be easier than having to jump into 5 days a week.  We were talking about housework and if Charlie helps or not.  I told her about our system.  As I told her about our system, I realized that it's not bad.  We clean the house on Sunday.  Charlie does the floors, toilets, trash and yardwork.  I do the kitchen, family room and laundry.  During the week, I cook dinner and he does the dishes.  Not much else cleaning wise happens.  Sunday afternoon the house looks great.  By Friday, it's a disaster pit.  This past Friday it was so bad that I couldn't even find a clean spot on the counter without crumbs to fill out a form.  But Sunday afternoon, it was clean again.  She seemed impressed - mostly that Charlie does the dishes every day.  I reminded her that this was an evolution and not a transition.  We have been doing the two working parent thing a long time.  It's all we know.  But it reminded me that we have a good system.  

When I got home, I told Charlie about the conversation.  He was pretty proud of himself because it made him look good.  I was proud of him... and us too.  

Our Annual Family Picture - Year 9

If you don't know our family story, Charlie and I both went to Purdue.  But not together.  I joke that he didn't wait for me.  He had graduated before I started.  But Purdue has still always been a very special place for us.  We have gone to many basketball and football games through the years.  We even got engaged there at the Engineering Fountain on Valentine's Day 2004.  

I have a large family scrapbook with one page for every year.  I love that it chronicles our family and is an easy way to watch us grow in one spot.  So every September near our anniversary, we take a family picture.  Since we often go to Purdue football games, we have started a tradition of taking our family picture at the Engineer Fountain - the place where our family started years ago.  I love having that picture to watch our family grow and change. 

 

I think I need a new Purdue shirt - I am wearing the same one almost every year.  :)

 

 

I love that they get to play in the fountain that we used to run through at Purdue.  Of course, when we were there, the metal barrier was not in the middle and we could run straight through.

As we walk around Purdue, we always tell Laci about our time there - what buildings we had classes in, what dorms we lived in, why it is special to us.  When we asked her this year why the fountain was special she said "I know, I know... it's where you got married."  She is completely unimpressed already!  :)

A wedding... The vows

Sometimes it seems like the wedding ceremony is glossed over in the wedding preparations.  But the wedding ceremony is the most important part.  As our photography called it "the good stuff". 

I think going to weddings should be required of all married people.  Go to as many weddings as you can. Crash the ceremonies if you have to.  When we were first married, we would go to weddings and remember our own.  The anticipation.  Walking down the aisle... The reception afterwards. 

Yesterday was different.  We have been married for almost 9 years now.  It seemed cliché at the time when everyone would talking about "the good times and the bad times".  When you are first married, it is the good times.  You can't imagine the "bad times".  We have been married long enough to have some bumps in the road... little ones and big ones.  I couldn't have imagined at the time the journey we would go through and are still on.  But even though the most difficult times, I know that I am married to the right person and that the tough times are times that you get through - they aren't about the person you married.

A wise women once said that when she was going through some tough times with her husband she would watch her wedding video.  Not to remember the love of that moment and the vows she said to her husband but to remember the vows she said to God.  The covenant she made was not only to her husband but also to God.

As we are going through "the tough times", I needed to see a wedding.  I needed to see that hope and to renew our vows with each other.  I don't think watching our wedding video would have had the impact of the vows that being in the middle of the wedding had for me.  I loved explaining all the traditions to Laci, especially the unity candle.  I love the unity candle and how it represents her family, his family and their new family newly created.  I keep my unity candle on my kitchen sink.  I can't think of a better place to keep it than right in the most used place in my house.  It is burned way down.  My mom offered to replace it with a new one.  I said no.  That burned down unity candle was at our wedding and is a daily reminder of our wedding and our vows, just like our rings. 

I wasn't sure why we were invited to the wedding.  We hadn't seen her in several years.  I would like to think I had bigger impact on her than I thought when she was a teenager.  But I really think that we were invited to that wedding because God knew that I needed to be at a wedding this summer.  He knew that I needed to experience that all again. 

Charlie pointed out the best line the pastor said at the wedding yesterday.... "Make sure that today is the day you love each other least."  I think that says it all.

A wedding.... The Anticipation

We're going to a wedding this afternoon.  I am super excited.  I love weddings.  The celebration.  The love.  The hope.  The dresses.  The food.  The dancing.  The magic.  This is the first wedding we have taken the kids too.  I am really excited for them to experience that all too, if even in a child-like sense.  I hope Laci feels that magic too and sees the princess in the bride.

Whenever I go to a wedding, I start preparing days before.  I start remembering my wedding and the magic around it.  The rehearsal dinner.  The family coming into day.  Getting nails done.  Luncheons.  It's all part of the ritual and the magic.  I wake up that morning and remember the jitters I felt.  I remember getting my hair done.  Having my friends over for breakfast.  The special moment with my mom as she gave me her last minute gifts.... special gifts from my grandma and special things she had been saving for me my whole life for that day.  I remember waiting to go to the church being so nervous that my friend that was with me get giving me wedding presents to open! Nothing calms nerves like opening salt and peppers shakers.

I hope that Jillian is experiencing that magic right now.  I coached Jillian on my soccer team when she was a teenager and am really looking forward to seeing the young woman and now wife she has become.  I pray that for her today is not about a day but the start of their marriage and their life together.

Deep thoughts at 3:00 a.m. ...

I was laying awake the other night at 3:00 a.m.  I do my best (and worst) thinking in the middle of the night.  I was working on my list of all the horrible, annoying habits I have.  We always get so down on ourselves and beat up ourselves.  I thought "I will just add this to Charlie's list of why I am a horrible, annoying person.  Everyone has that list for their spouse, right?"  Then I thought about "the list" I have for Charlie, all of his annoying, horrible habits.  The list is completely blank.  Not a thing on it.  Then I thought "That is what marriage is, right?  No list.  We don't keep score.  We don't have a list."  It was a nice thought and a nice reminder.

Of course, in the light of day, I can think of plenty silly little things for "a list": doesn't make the bed, forgets to turn the closet light off, doesn't do the dishes immediately.  But those things really aren't important.  I am thankful every day for Charlie and our marriage.

He Did It!!!

He did it!  Charlie ran in the first annual Purdue Half Marathon on Saturday.  My brother found the run and asked us to run with him.  I have absolutely zero desire to run a half marathon right now.  I was surprised when Charlie said that he would run it.  He is so dedicated to his Running Streak - anything else is just a risk to jeopardizing it. 

My brother is a running machine.  Charlie is not.  Their running "philosophies" are night and day different even down to when to arrive at the race.  My brother trains hard.  He studies, learns and follows training programs to reach his goals.  Charlie ran a few long runs on the Saturdays leading up to the race.  My brothers goal was 1:25.  Charlie had two goals - to finish upright and to finish his Sunday run upright. 

My parents came down for the weekend to cheer my brother on.  I wanted to bring the kids to support Charlie.  As we prepared for the race morning (all outings with my kids require preparation), I was regretting the decision to bring the kids.  We had to leave at 6:00 a.m. (the runners were leaving at 5:30), it was cold and there is lots of downtime.  The advantage of supporting my brother is that he is fast, there isn't a lot of downtime.

From the traditional spaghetti dinner until Sunday, the weekend went great.  Charlie finished in a time of 2:11:30 - 10 minute mile pace which is what he wanted.  He even accomplished his second goal and completed his run on Sunday.  The streak continues!  I knew it was wrong of me to complain but I was exhausted!  Between getting up at 5:30 (which seems much earlier on Saturday than it does the rest of the week) and walking all over campus from the start line to the fountain where we cheered them on and pulling the wagon and stroller, I was worn out on Sunday.  But I was so proud of my boys. 

Charlie wondered why I wanted to bring the kids.  I told him that even though it was hard to bring them, I wanted them there.  They didn't see much and didn't understand what was going on.  I want them to see their dad achieve his goals.  Someday they will understand.  In the big picture, it was important.  It was important for them to cheer him on and hug him at the end and it was important for Charlie to see them at the finish line.

As we went to sleep exhausted last night, we reflected on the day.  After the race, most of the day was spent watching football and pigging out on junk food.  Charlie was really glad he did it.  But he has no desire to run another half marathon or marathon any time soon!  I have a desire to run a half marathon every now and then for about 30 seconds.  Then the feeling passes and I am just happy to get my regular daily runs in.  More on that next week....  I hope.  It was a great day.

Laci loves to pose and have her picture taken by anything.

We waited inside.  I brought lots of books and snacks and they waited really well.

 

Calvin and Grandma waiting by the fountain, Mile Marker 12. He clapped and cheered for every runner.

My brother running just past Mile Marker 12.  He was all alone and ended 13th out of 1500!

Charlie almost at the home stretch.  I was so glad he got to reach his goal at his beloved Purdue.

The Medalists!  Laci ran in the Kids Fun Run.

She was so excited to get a medal. 

While we were taking family pictures after, she insisted on one with the three runners.   

 

 

Big Decisions

We just got back from vacation and I will write more musings, thoughts and stories on that later.  But just to vent, making big decisions is hard.  Making big decisions that affect the life of your child is even harder.  Having to make those big decisions with the other parent is even harder than that.  Charlie and I have a big decision to make.  We're frustrated because the first half of the decision was made for us by our daycare.  So we are going to frustrate Laci somehow and take away something she was already told she could have.  In the big picture of life, what she is going to have to do will hurt now but now be a blimp on the rest of her life.  But the decision Charlie and I have to make for her is bigger and may affect her negatively or positively over the course of the next 18 years. 

I am a gut decision maker.  I listen and trust my gut.  That is okay for me.  But is that good enough for Laci?  Charlie does not work off his gut.  Can our reasoning and different decision making methods come to the same conclusions?  What to do, what to do!?!

Right now I am going downstairs because I hear them walking in the door with my birthday present.

Lack of Communications

I remember years ago, before I was married or had kids, I was at a Party Lite party at a friend's house.  I remember her jokingly saying that she and her husband never talk or communicate.  Messages just get passed back and forth and information is rarely shared.  I thought that sounded so strange.  How do you not talk to your husband?  Little did I know that it is so true!  Charlie and I never talk.  We miss messages all the time.  Emails and phone calls at work are the only time we talk.  And even that gets screwed up.  Last week, I told him I have a new project at U of I.  He assumed University of Indianapolis.  I corrected him and told him University of Illinois.  Tuesday, I emailed him and said I was going to U of I on Thursday.  Last night, I mentioned my trip to Champaign.  He looked at me and said "I didn't know you were going to Champaign today".  I actually pulled the email up and proved that I told him and that he doesn't listen.  Laci is going to a birthday party Saturday.  Charlie claims I never told him.  I am pretty sure I did.  Plus, the invitation is posted on the bulletin board and the calendar says "A's birthday".  Again, proof he doesn't pay attention to anything in the house!

We had a similar communication lapse Wednesday night.  We had a rare Wednesday night family dinner.  That thing happened when one person is talking about one thing and the other person is talking about something else and it takes a few minutes to realize that you are having two conversations and not talking about the same thing.  I finally said "Stop, we are both talking about two different things.  What are you talking about?"  Laci looked at us and said "You really need to start listening to each other."   Duh - good reminder.  We need to do that.

A small change can make a difference

I originally started writing this blog to talk about my adventures with my kids.  I feel like the last several ones have been off topic.  Bear with me, this one will be off topic too.  But it all pertains to my life and the lessons I learn in life so I suppose it is relevant to my life as a mother because that is what I am - 100% of the time.

My husband is a big man.  Truth be told, it's one of the things that I love about him.  I know you aren't supposed to list physical characteristic when describing why you love someone because it's the man on the inside I love.  But I love that he is big.  He makes me feel protected.  As one of my friends told me once, no one will mess with me because my husband can beat him up!  Unfortunately, sometimes there is a downside to being a big man.  A couple of years ago, Charlie had a physical and they told him several of his numbers were high or borderline high - blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides, blood sugar, etc.  I probably would have brushed it off and said "I'll make a few changes" and really do nothing.  But this sent Charlie into a panic.  He doesn't do things half way.  He gave up everything.  He clearly can't run or work out more.  He is already doing it everyday.  He already gave up all beverages but milk and water.  He has never drank in his life.  So he gave up all sweets - candy, cookies, cake, ice cream, etc.  This is a big deal for him.  He loves that stuff.  But he gave it up cold turkey.  I don't know how he does it.  In the beginning he wouldn't even have a bite of a cookie if Laci offered it to him.  Since then he has relaxed his rules and will eat a piece of cake for a birthday and maybe a bite of brownie if I make them.  But that is about it.  He rapidly dropped about 25 lbs and since plateaued out. 

He finally went back for a physical last week.  He has been dreading it.  He went to see our family doctor since his previous doctor moved.  Our doctor is pretty laid back and a "wait and see" guy.  This is a good fit for Charlie.  He has gotten to know him from all of the appointments with the kids.  He got his numbers back and everything went down - dramatically!  His triglycerides were more than cut in half.  His cholesterol was cut back a third.  His blood sugar was about the same.  The doctor reminded him that an occasional glass of red wine is okay but since Charlie doesn't drink, he joked that he wasn't telling him to start drinking!  I was very proud of Charlie.  I don't mean to sound like an ad but it's amazing what a little thing like dropping a little weight really can make a big difference. 

Valentine's Day Gifts

Last year, as he often does for gifts, Charlie got me a DVD for Valentine's Day.  It happened to be the DVD of a movie we saw in the movie theater.  As you can imagine, we do not see very many movies at the movie theater right now.  It wasn't until I pointed it out later that he realized what a terrible gift that was.  I choose to look at it as a man who is very comfortable in his marriage.  He gave me "The Break-Up"!  

So this year he vowed to top himself and correct the error.  He got me the movie "My One and Only".  Good job, Charlie!

Up! Up! and Away! - Happy Valentine's Day!

I watched Up! again last night.  I know it came out 3 years ago but I just saw it for the first time a few months ago.  I love it.  It falls in the category of the movies I will continue to watch until the end, even if Laci has fallen asleep.  That movie is the ultimate love story.  The first 10 minutes get me every time.  And the scene with the two chairs sitting on the ledge or the house reaching its final resting place over Paradise Falls - love.  I saw a quote "Pixar created a better love story in 8 minutes than Twilight did in 4 books".  I haven't read Twilight so I can't comment directly but I don't know how much could top it.  The love story between Carl and Ellie is what I want.  It's what I believe I have.  

After I saw it the first time, I told Charlie that we need a dream.  We need our own Paradise Falls.  I have my dream - Charlie, Laci and Calvin is all I have ever wanted.  Charlie is still looking for that dream.  Carl and Ellie had their dream to get to Paradise Falls.  That is what they worked towards their whole life.  I am in tears when he looks at the scrapbook, turns the page and sees "their adventure" and pictures of their ordinary life.  My favorite thing in life is my ordinary extraordinary moments.  Ellie realized that they did have their adventure, even if they did not make it to Paradise Falls.  That house is Ellie to him.  When we were watching it last night, Laci said "Most people would just take a plane.  But he didn't want to leave his stuff."  I didn't explain to her that it wasn't his stuff he couldn't leave.  It was Ellie.  I hope I have Ellie's attitude that our life is our adventure - no matter how dull and boring it is.  If it is with Charlie, it's my adventure.  I love being on this adventure and looking for Charlie's dream with him. 

I have been working on Laci's scrapbook a lot this winter.  I am making good progress.  I was really stuck on the page I did for her Great Grandparents 70th Anniversary Party.  I just sit and stare at those pictures - Great Grandpa and Great Grandma together.  The whole family.  Great Grandpa and Great Grandma with the two kids.  I look at them and I see the amazing-ness of it.  That is what I want.  A lifetime with Charlie.  I read a People magazine article recently about John Glenn and his wife.  They have been married 69 years and grew up together as children - similar to Charlie's grandparents.  Amazing.  I believe that the marriage I have with Charlie is like that.  We're stuck together.  Like glue and nothing can tear us about.  Of all the variables and unknowns in life, the ups and downs, that is my constant.  He is the one thing that always feels right.  In every day daily life, he may drive me absolutely batty and totally crazy - the way he chomps his gum or waits to load the dishwasher.  He may not do things the way I do them.  I can't wait to grow old with him.  I don't know if we will make it to 70 years together but as many years as we have, it will be together.  As a side note, while watching the opening scene, Laci pointed out that their hair looked different.  I explained that when you get older, your hair turns gray.  She said "But Daddy's old and his hair is still black."  I had trouble not laughing on that one. 

While going through my scrapbook folders, I found this quote and added it to the anniversary page.  It reminds me of Charlie's Grandparents and where they are right now.  Grandma has severe dementia and is often gone now.  She is not who she was.  Unfortunately, I never met who she really is.  The "silent unspeakable memories" stands out for me.  They are often living in silence now.  But they are together and will be until their "last parting".  

“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life--to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?”  - Geroge Elliot

This is what 70 years of marriage looks like.  Beautiful
The quilt behind them was made for their 50th anniversary.

My Husband, The Streaker

My husband is a streaker.  I love introducing him that way.  He is a streak runner.  No, he doesn't run naked.  He runs every day.  Without fail.  Rain, snow, sleet or ice.  Vacation or at home.  Injured or sick.  He runs 3 miles.  His streak is over 3 years now.  He started the current streak the day after Thanksgiving 2008.  People hear this and marvel.  I think people should be praising me.  It's not easy keeping up with his streak.  He used to run after work.  But since his office is already 80 miles away, he was getting home too late.  Remember, our kids go to bed really early.  Laci was asleep before he got home.  So now he runs early.  He is up at 5:30 every morning so he can run and be home before I leave for work at 6:25.  On the days he works at home, he could run after taking the kids to school but he runs early just in case someone is sick and he can't run that morning.  That happened one time.  On the weekend, I let him sleep in until 8 or so but we can't run errands or go to church until his run is over.  I feel like I am always waiting on him to get back from his run before we can start our day.  When we are on vacation, I usually get up, feed the kids and then try to keep them entertained until he slowly wakes up and then goes for a run on the hotel treadmill.  That doesn't sound too hard until you have tried to entertain small children in a small hotel room.  I am not very good at that.  He always runs outside unless there is an ice storm.  We have a workout room at the clubhouse of our neighborhood.  That is where I run on the weekends in the winter.  Recently the treadmill broke.  He panicked and quickly called the neighborhood association to have them get it repaired.  He needs to know there is a back up in case of an ice storm.  It is January.  Weather cannot stop the streak.  

People may wonder why he does what he does.  I don't have a clue.  I know the sacrifices I make for our family for him to continue his running streak.  Maybe it is the consistency he needs.  Maybe it is the one thing he feels like he can control.  I tried to talk him out of it years ago but have come to realize that this is our life.  He is not changing and I must adapt to it.  This is our life.  Our day does not begin until Charlie runs.  

He is not alone in this craziness.  There is an association for these crazy people.  The United States Running Streak Association.  www.runeveryday.com.  There are Legends (40+ years), Grand Masters (35+ years), Masters (30+ years), Denominators (25+ years),  Highly Skilled (20+ years), Well Verses (15+ years), Experienced (10+ years), Proficient (5+ years), Neophytes(-5 years).  Charlie recently decided to join the list.  He is currently 236 on the list with 1160 days, just a neophyte.  He really wants to get to 2130 to complete his "Lou Gehrig" run for the number of consecutive games he played in.  He would like to make a charity run to raise money for ALS.  There are actually 3 people in the town he works with that are family members that are also members of this "club".  He recently ran into two of them at lunch.  He went over and introduced himself.  The man was so excited (he owns the restaurant) that he called over to the hostess and introduced Charlie as "another streaker".  She just smiled and groaned.  That is what I do when he talks about it.  :)  The daughter whose streak is longer than the father's is having her 10 year run next September and they invited Charlie to join them.  Those crazies need to stick together.  But it is a community.  

These people are serious about their streak.  Recently, two of the Legends streaks came to an end.  This has never happened before - two streaks ending so close together.  Both were due to injury.  Most "streakers" run through injuries so it would have to be pretty bad to stop a streak.  Charlie read an article about one of them and he said making the decision to stop due to the injury was the hardest decision he has had to make in his life.  That is hard to believe and a little sad.  Deciding not to run one day was hard?  Life is too big to make that the hardest decision.  But I understand how important this lifestyle is to the streakers.  It's part of them.  He also said something about never running again because he will never achieve what he has done.  

Running is very different to me.  Having a streak is not important.  I set goals - speed and distance.  But my goals are ever changing.  I meet the goals and move on.  I love running because it makes me feel good, helps me feel successful because I am reaching goals and it keeps me fit.  I feel good about myself when I run.  Running is for me.  I hate running because some days it just hurts and makes me tired.  :)  Streak running is very limiting to me.  Charlie would disagree because he would say his streak has no limits.  I see it has limiting because his workout is already decided for that day.  Run 3 miles.  No variation.  No days off to do something else.  I need days off.  

There will come a day when Charlie's streak needs to end.  It may be next week.  It may be in 40 years.  He will be very sad.  But he will move on and he will survive.  And I will be proud of him.  Just like I am now. 

The First Look

One thing I love talking about as much as my kids is my husband.  I was looking online at a friend's wedding pictures (yeah for the internet!) and I was stuck on a picture of the groom waiting at the alter for his bride to come down the aisle.  He had the groom's look on his face - full of love, hope and joy with anticipation and a little nerves mixed in.  I remember years ago, my sister had told me that she was so nervous before her wedding but as soon as she was at the back of the church and saw her groom waiting for her at the altar, a moment of calm filled her and she knew everything was good.   I was really looking forward to that moment, to that look.  But I wasn't nervous before my wedding.  I remember waiting in the church and I heard the giggles of the guests as my nieces and nephews walked down the aisle.  My dad leaned over and said "I think they stole the show".  Of course, they did.  They were adorable!  But I still wasn't nervous, just very, very excited.  Later, Charlie and I were talking about our wedding.  He told me that he was so nervous but then when we saw me appear walking down the aisle, he was calm and he knew everything was good.  I loved hearing that because it is exactly how my sister described it - but reverse.  I am the rock that calms Charlie.  Now whenever I go to weddings, I look at the faces of the bride and groom at the first moment, when they feel that calm and know that everything is good.  

I keep my melted down unity candle next to my kitchen sink.  My mom offered to get me a new, pretty one to display on the mantle.  I said no.  I want the melted down one from the wedding nearby in an everyday place.  It's a reminder of that moment and of that day.  I have been married long enough to know that there are the ups and downs and good times and bad and through all of those times, we always have that moment and that first look.  

My new favorite part of weddings is the Father / Daughter dance.  I went to a wedding last year and teared up during that dance.  I suddenly had visions of the future and Charlie walking Laci down the aisle and "giving her away".  I could see them doing the Father / Daughter Dance.  I am looking forward to that moment and dreading it all at the same time.  

The Shorts!!!

Do any of you have a spouse with an article of clothing that you just want to burn?!?  Charlie has these shorts that are just awful.  I won't describe them because I don't want to embarass him.  And it isn't just the shorts I hate, it's the way he wears them!!!  He's not home right now.  Maybe I will hide them.  It takes a lot for me to think something is tacky.  I am not one for fashion.  See previous post about my love of unmatched and uncoordinated clothes.  I thought it was cute to put Calvie in a striped shirt yesterday with camo shorts.  But these shorts are just horrible.  I refused to even talk to him last night if he insisted on wearing these shorts!  Hmmm...  where to hide them...