Sunday, May 1, 2011

My wedding ring

In honor of the biggest wedding of the year, I thought I would post something I wrote a few years ago, in my newlywed life, before children.  My friend is getting married this Saturday.  I am upset that I will not be there to celebrate with her but I am so happy for her and wish her and her new husband all the happiness in the world!

My Wedding Ring (2007)

When I was single, I used to look at people’s wedding rings and wonder what it felt like to wear a wedding ring.  I decided that it meant that that person was loved.  I realize that not every marriage is a happy marriage and I can’t assume that that person is loved now but there was one moment at that person’s wedding where they were loved.  I wondered what it felt like to be loved like that.  I used to wonder what it was like to go home to a spouse or sleep with a spouse or do anything else – married. 
Whenever I went to a wedding, I would look at the groom’s wedding ring.  The bride has been wearing an engagement ring for months but for the groom, this is the first time they have worn a ring.  What must it feel like to wear a ring?
The few months before we got engaged, it was pretty clear that we were going in that direction.  I started to feel like we would get engaged soon and our relationship became an engagement.  Our relationship became stronger.  That moment we actually became engaged was wonderful.  There are always stories about big public engagements or family engagements.  I am glad that we had a private engagement.  Our relationship is private and between us – not the public and not our family.  It was ours. 
Now that we have been married a few years I know what it feels like to be married.  I have learned so much about him, me and us.  What I have learned the most is how to argue.  That probably sounds strange.  But when we were dating, I always wanted to do that right thing so that we wouldn’t break up.  Now, the option to break up is not there.  So I am not scared of losing him.  I feel safe and secure with him.  Now, instead of being careful about what I say so that he won’t break up with me, I am careful about what I say because I don’t want to hurt him.  I love the way we argue because we both try to get our point across but we both don’t want to hurt each other.  I love that I can say anything to him and he will still love me.  I love the honesty that we have.  We may not always agree but we always try to listen.
One of the biggest things that I have noticed is that life is pretty much the same.  I have the same job, live in the same house, go to the same church.  I grocery shop every week, I make dinner every night; I read the paper while I eat the same oatmeal every morning.  I even have dinner on Thursday nights at O’Charley’s with him.  But one of my favorite things that I love about being married is that every night and every morning, I go to bed with my husband.  If I stir in the middle of the night, I feel him.  Before I go to work every morning, I have to hug and kiss him good bye.  I love evenings or weekend afternoons.  Even if we are both doing our own separate thing, we are still together.  I love knowing that he is there.  I love the little things about being married to him.  I love making him dinner and doing his laundry.  I love when he does nice things for me because I know he does them for me because he loves me.  
Another thing that I love about being married is that we are family.  We are together forever.  I compare it to my relationship with my mother.  No matter what, she is my mother.  No matter what, he is my husband.  I can be myself around him.  I think I can be more myself around him than anyone else, ever. 
Often, throughout the day, I forget about my ring.  But every time I look down, there it is.  Even when we are apart, my ring reminds me that he loves me and that I love him.  It reminds me that I belong to him.  The most important thing that my ring means to me is family.  We are a family.

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