I have always tried to be the woman that I want my daughter to be. That has been my standard when I make decisions. I didn't make a lot of the mistakes that many teenagers and young adults do because I always had to answer to my future children, more specifically my future daughter. Maybe I should have been more wild and done some more running around but I didn't. I wanted to set the example before she was born. I want her to be independent and strong willed. I want her to be her own person. These are the characteristics I try to have so I can teach her by example. Now Laci is here and I have a face to the dream that I had so long ago.
But I never thought about a son. I never envisioned myself raising a boy. I really never thought about it either way. But I am clearly not a man nor do I know what a man thinks and feels. If I did, that would make marriage easier! I remember being 11 or so and being caught between childhood and a teenager. But only from the girls perspective. How is it different as a little boy / man? I realize I am talking about stereotypes but right or wrong, stereotypes are real. It seems silly that I am thinking this because I have always tried to buck the gender stereotypes but the older I get, the more I learn that it's more important to embrace them, figure out which ones are right and wrong and learn from them. How do little boys make that change from little boy to teenager to man? It makes me think about the man I want him to be, not just the little boy he is now.
I know I am not raising him alone and I know Calvin has a dad who is a great man that will help him and be with him through these years. But it is strange to know that someday, my sweet little baby boy will be a man.