Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Maybe we are too close...

Last night I had a dedication on a project that I have been working on for 2 1/2 years.  Charlie was in charge of picking the kids up from daycare, feeding them dinner and putting them to bed.  He does not have to do this very often.  But he did fine.  As expected, the kids were asleep when I got home.  Most mornings, Laci wakes up early before I leave and I can say good bye to her.  So last night, Charlie told her that she would see me in the morning.  Of course, this morning was the rare morning she was still asleep when I left!  I was sad that I didn't get to see her.  I was sad that I haven't seen Calvin since Monday night!  Is this what it is like every week for him?  I told Charlie to call me when she woke up.  They called and she was just sobbing and gasping on the phone.  It was so sad.  I know she will be fine, especially when she gets to school. 

But it is just another reminder for me that sometimes time apart is okay.  I am very attached to the kids, especially Laci.  I do not do much without them.  I justify it by saying that I really spend a lot of time without them when I am at work.  So every moment I have that I am not at work, I spend with them.  It's not always a good thing.  It makes her too attached to me.  She doesn't want to do things with Charlie.  She does fine with him if she has to but she will always choose me if she gets the choice.  I try to go out with friends about once a month.  It's good for me and it is good for them.  Sunday night, I had Charlie pick Laci up from Awana.  I could have done it but I have to remember that they need a few minutes together too.  We are planning the "Christmas party" for his company.  He works with his parents so the Christmas party is just the 4 of us and now sometimes the 6 of us.  This year, we are just going to a nice dinner, just the 4 of us and I am getting a sitter.  My first choice is always to plan something with the kids but I am really trying (again, not always successfully) to make an effort.  Of course, now my issue is where to find a sitter!  

I never thought that I would be that crazy mom that didn't want to use sitters and go out as a couple but I am.  I need to remind myself that it is okay to do things without them.  But the older they get, the less I want to do that and the more I want to spend every single second with them.  I just keep thinking about how fast this all goes.  When they hit elementary school, there will be playdates and sleep overs, practices and games.  When they hit their teenage years, they won't want to spend every second with us.  When they hit 18, they will be gone.  They won't need us on a daily basis.  I know they will always need us.  Laci asked me recently why adults need mommies and daddies.  I told her that everyone needs their mommy and daddy to love them, even if they don't need them to take care of them everyday.  I know it will be important when they are older to spend a week with their grandparents.  I know it is important for the kids and the grandparents and us too.  I know all of this but I am just not looking forward to that yet! 

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